I need you, Ava.
I am desperate. For you. For a touch. For a kiss. For the scrape of your hand down my stomach. For the slide of your lips across my hipbone. The sweep of your thigh against mine in the dulcet, drowning darkness. For the warm huff of your breath on my skin and the wet suck of your mouth around me and the building pressure of need reaching release…I am mad with need.
Wild with it.
I cannot have you. I have lost you, as I have lost myself.
And so I go in search. Of myself, and thus the man who might return to you, and take you in his arms.
I loathe each of the thousands of miles between us, but I cannot wish them away, for I hope at the end of my journey I shall find you. Or rather, find myself, and thus…you. Myself, and thus us.
I am taking the long way home, Ava.
I’m losing my mind, and I don’t know how to stop it. I shouldn’t be writing to you, but I am. I’m friendless, loveless, and lifeless. You’re out there somewhere, and still you’re all I really have. I hate my reliance and dependence on you, emotionally and otherwise, and that reliance is something I’m coming to recognize. I hate that I can’t hate you as much as I want to. I hate that I still love you so much.
I hate that there’s no clear solution to our conundrum. Even if we could forgive each other, what then?
I hate you, Christian. I really do.
But most of all, I don’t.
Complicatedly (still) yours,
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I love Jasinda’s writing and for me I was unsure when I saw the format of this book she used. The book is written in a journal type format with journal entries and emails between the couple. But she quickly hooked me on this devastating story and pulled me into Ava and Christian’s story.
Now, where to begin? Their story is so tragic and yet hopeful at moments along the way as well. This book follows a format of emails, journal entries and phone calls between estranged spouses after the loss of their son. It is a timeline of how they work to fix themselves and attempt to work on their marriage.
After loosing Henry, Ava shuts down and completely blocks Christian from her. They don’t speak, touch, or even emotionally support each other after this tragedy and it wears on Christian so much that over months he is forced to walk away.
Throughout this story we get the back and forth fighting, banter, and at times playful remembrance of what use to be. Christian walks away so he can survive this loss and Ava thinks he just quit their marriage when she needed him the most.
Their story really is tragic and yet a awakening at the same time of what happens to a parent when they loose their child. They grieve differently, react differently, and ultimately it changes who they where as a couple and who they are as individuals.
This book was packed with more emotion than I’ve read in a LONG time and while so much of it is heartbreaking, you can see moments of hope and glimmers of faith sprinkled within it as well.
Can they not only fix themselves, but work their way back to where they were before this tragedy ripped them apart? This book will tell you the answer to that and so much more. Great writing Jasinda! I am once again in awe of your words ❤
New York Times, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and internationally bestselling author Jasinda Wilder is a Michigan native with a penchant for titillating tales about sexy men and strong women. Her bestselling titles include Alpha, Stripped, Wounded, and the #1 Amazon.com and international bestseller Falling into You. You can find her on her farm in northern Michigan with her husband, author Jack Wilder, her six children, and a menagerie of animals.